THE CONSENSUAL SEXUAL AGREEMENT ~ THE NEW iPHONE APP THAT'S SAVING REPUTATIONS ALL OVER AMERICA

PEARLY AT iPHONE STORE (little genius at right) helps introduce the new, best-selling iPhone app, The Consensual Sexual Agreement (With Military Codicil)(TM) ~ or CSA for short. All parties to a sexual experience simply read, fill out, agree to and sign the CSA on their iPhone.The parties to the CSA app are forewarned of legal, moral and physical dangers of sexual liasons, alerted as to what laws must be considered, and made personally libel in unlimited amounts if they "kiss and tell" or otherwise blab to anyone, without permission of all parties involved. With a CSA, if you kiss and tell, you will also pay. The CSA could have saved Tiger Woods millions. The CSA is authored by renown defense attorney Edwin Larger, and he has introduced it and collected big in successful breach of contract lawsuits.

THE CONSENSUAL SEXUAL AGREEMENT(TM) is the talk of The Little Girls' Room, where Keb'Ma, the blue singer, and her bluefish, Kevin, arrive for an evening of the dirty, low-down songs and stories she is infamous for. "I am a rich, international star," says Keb'Ma, "and prey for men who make their reps by telling the New York Post they's been sleeping with me. But when they sign off on that consenting sexy agreement, they're trapped. If they squeal, I make 'em pay in court, and most of the guys I sleep with know I'll collect so they ain't tempted. And that goes for the girls, too." 

TINA BROWN and HEATHER, both early adopters of the Consensual Sexual Agreement (With Military Codicil)(TM) app, come to The Little Girls' Room to hear Keb'Ma sing and the bluefish Kevin back her up on the marimba. 

"STRANGE TIMES," says Darkness, the owner of The Little Girls' Room. "My Daddy told me, when I was in pigtails, 'Do right and fear no man, don't write and fear no woman.' So nobody in their right mind ever signed a contract before coitus. But now, with that new sex app for the iPhone, even the teenagers are doing it! To sign the CSA app is super-chic and Heather's Habitually Chic will do a story about it one morning soon. It's the app that's revolutionizing celebrity sex. "