Sky's Lawyer Arrives, Sites Constitutional Issues

ROY BLACK (in the middle) is flanked by his client Sky Montoid (on the right) and newhound Anderson C. (at left). Although Mr. Black normally represents the accused, he has taken Sky's case, he says, "In order to safeguard the freedoms the Constitution grants our citizens, in this case the right to allow at least a small part of our beef supply to be slaughtered in a brave and dignified manner."

THE LAST TIME we saw Lila Diane Sawyer, she and Waif Girl, whom she rescued from the Ruffians, were emerging from the Tim Burton retrospective at MOMA, the Museum of Modern Art. As Fate would have it, Waif Girl is Oyster Boy's main squeeze. Both are members of the Outlaw Bull Fighting Cooperative, whose members will march upon the courthouse sometime during the trial. "Oyster Boy is like Johnny Depp for Montoid girls," Waif Girl explained to reporters. Ms. Sawyer was back in court the next morning, when Lawyer Edwin Larger showed up with his entourage and two full busloads of nubile women screaming passionately, "Ed-Dee! Ed-dee! Ed-dee!"

MOLLY, the longest-legged ballerina with the Montoid Corps de Ballet, is tipsily escorted by One-Eyed Jack along the celebrity perp walk. Molly has eyes for Lawyer Larger's second chair, Giuseppe Montoid. She winks at him whenever he turns from the defense table to admire her legs.

SECURITY is strict and omnipresent. Federal Montoid marshals take sniper positions on the bust of Hammurabi, the first King of Babylon, who on stone tablets eight feet tall wrote the first set of laws in recorded history, including the famous, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth."

LAWYER LARGER brings with him as "chief investigator" Three-Eyed Bernie, who actually sees things nobody else can. Bernie's claw hat is state of the art forensic grasping technology. It can detach from Three-Eyed Bernie's head, and under Bernie's brainwave control it can fly about like a bat, poke and pry into private places, and pinch the evidence Lawyer Larger needs to win.

SECOND SEAT for the defense is the Golden Boy, Giuseppe Montoid, in the traditional headdress and gold coin skirt of the tribunals of his native Rome. When Giuseppe nods his head in agreement about a point Lawyer Larger makes, everybody in the courtroom knows it.

NON-BLOGGERS lounge in the press box and watch the proceedings on closed circuit television. The New York Times and Washington Post printed newspaper editors raised a First Amendment motion for injunctive relief with The Judge, which was denied without comment. Bloggers and twitterers were awarded almost all of the press seats.